My mother was right

In the summer of 2014 I was visiting my family.  The X had moved out a few weeks before and I was still shell-shocked.

I tearfully told my mother, "I just don't understand why he doesn't love me!" My mother looked me full in the face, smacked her hand on the table where we were sitting and said, "Larisa, your husband is crazy!" Her emphatic response startled me into realizing she was right.

I had been totally faithful to my marriage covenants, taken care of him, worked and supported us while doing my PhD, paid for his immigration fees from cashing out a small pension, and taken on debt for his truck and trailer.

What did I get in return? Constant emotional abuse--indifference, the silent treatment, and open hostility. Add to that inability to hold down a job and overspending; plus (my favorite) flirting with, dating, and screwing other women (especially ones who are already married to someone else).

And of course, it was all my fault because I refused to turn myself into a Barbie doll.  Even worse, he told our friends that I didn't want children and spent all "his" money.

Rewind to the first few months of our marriage and a humiliating visit to a couple's therapist: the X tells the therapist that he's not attracted to me because of my weight. Then he tells the therapist he was first interested in me because he thought I was pretty. (He was always giving me conflicting messages like this.)

I cried all the way home, and wondered what was wrong with me? The answer: NOTHING.

Fast forward to February 2014 and we were in Hawaii. I had a job interview and he came along. When I asked him why he was cheating on me, he said I was "boring" and marriage is "boring." I was stunned--we were in Hawaii and might move there! He was the one who never wanted to go out and always wanted to just watch TV or sleep.

Needless to say, that trip really helped me see him for what he is-- a sociopath who uses up women until he has taken all their money and self respect. It took me a long time to realize this because he is so charming.

But naming his disorder brings it into the light and helps me heal from the darkness that he enveloped me in. I have broken the chains of his evil and the scars left by the manacles are healing.

More here: Profile of the Sociopath.