Divorce Day

I went to court this morning to finalize the divorce. I woke up feeling a bit blue. And it was a freezing cold  day with low temps and lots of wind. But I went down to the court for 8 AM appearance. As I was waiting for my attorney, I looked out the windows. I started to cry. Then I told myself, "I am not going to shed one more tear over that man!" And I stopped immediately.

The whole proceeding only took 5 minutes. We waited for the judge. I was called to the bar with my attorney. I gave my testimony, and the judge said, "The divorce is granted." I was struck by the simpleness of it. I wanted to tell the judge how horrible the X was and what he had done to me. But the judge didn't need to hear that since the X had signed the waiver and waived his rights to appear at the hearing.

I got a certified copy, wrote my attorney the final check for payment, and left.

What I expected was to feel a sense of relief or an emotional weight to be lifted. Instead, I just felt really alone without a friend or family member with me. It was a stark contrast to the beginning of the marriage.

But thankfully, when I arrived home, the florist was there with a beautiful bouquet from my sister and her family.

There are tough days ahead, but I know the worst is behind me.

What literature teaches about real life....

 Those who know me will know that this is one of my favorite novels (even though it is written by a man). They will also know that I am throwing off my own A this week. The 60-day waiting period for my divorce ends today! And I am feeling blessed by all the amazing people in my life who have supported me through these past 7 years.

Going through the Big D's

I live in Fort Worth and rarely go to Dallas. I love my life here, especially the wide open spaces and freeways with speed limits of 75 MPH. Racing along in my Impala, I have been known to listen to country music (don't tell my sisters, okay?). 

One day as I was cruising around FtW, I heard a new-to-me song that had the following lyric: "I'm goin' through the Big D and don't mean Dallas." The song is all about a man who jumps quickly in the "river of love" and before six months are up, his wife divorces him. She takes everything and he is stuck paying for it all. 

My ears perked up when I heard this song cuz it was eerily like my own experience. I had just kicked the X out of the house. I, too, bought some dreams on credit. And cashed out my retirement fund to pay for his Green Card! (I know--how could I be so stupid?!)

I have often thought about that song these past 21 months. Unlike the singer, Mark Chesnutt, who only has one D; I have two-- a Divorce AND a Dissertation! 

For those of you who have been through either, you know just one is a refiners' fire. And for those of you lucky enough to have a faithful spouse and/or a simple dissertation topic, I sincerely hope you never experience what I have. 

This blog will be all about my experiences and written just for ME; if some of y'all want to tag along, you're welcome. I hope the experience will be therapeutic; I might help someone. And it will be one more way to hide from my diss. 


Links to the above-referenced song:
http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/chesnutt-mark/goin-through-the-big-d-5493.html
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YjTU1NptVQ